Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
