Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
