apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Just cropdusted the office
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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