I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize