He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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