Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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