we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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