I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
