I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
