five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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