Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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