Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize