I just made out with a guy for $7.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
