i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
