woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
