My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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