A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Can Purell be used as lube?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
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