you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
