People with herpes should wear stickers.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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