Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
