my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize