PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
