Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
