dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
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