Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
