Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize