Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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