She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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