Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize