he puts the penis in happiness.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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