We won't sleep together?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
