i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You pole danced in your parka.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
