I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I woke up under a house in Key West
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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