my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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