I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
