There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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