I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
When did angry sex become our thing?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
