I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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