I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
