I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
