but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
