the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
