He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
