i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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