his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
