somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
