the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
