New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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