I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
why didn't you poke me back
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
