Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
