i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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