then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
