Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
