"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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