hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
