Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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