Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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