i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My dick has a subreddit
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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