My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize