I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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