sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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