i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
