idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
