Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize