Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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