The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
