I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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