She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
