guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I want to make a zoo with you.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
