If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
