i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You ruined the universe
Sex in the backyard? Check.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
