alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
