nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
