he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
