So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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