When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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