I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
