Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
