obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I would ride that face into the sunset
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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