Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
