for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
