but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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