Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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