i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
