let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
