mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
