Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
