make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
What happened to fro yo and sex?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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