just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
where am i from again
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
