Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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