If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
