It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
