No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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