the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
